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What to wear on a First Date? Hindi
Written in August by my girlfriend, right after our six month anniversary, the below piece gives three pearls of wisdom that you do not want to forget. He has dated LOTS of women, has had many girlfriends and, for the bulk of his adult life, has been single and dating prolifically. I am quite the opposite. Of those relationships, all but one lasted for 3 years or more, and one developed into a marriage that, alas, ended in divorce. You might call me a Serial Monogamist. But after a little thinking — and some lengthy conversations with my best friend — this is what I came up with. I hope it makes sense to any relationship-minded females who are reading this. The fact that we are more in touch with our feelings means that sometimes our emotions get the best of us. And, yet, do we have to let that happen all the time? Do the men in our lives have to walk on eggshells in fear that something they say will set us off? Do they have to always be extra cautious in case we start yelling, crying, or giving them the silent treatment? If something bothers us in the relationship, it makes sense to let them know. Then when something important comes along and we are justified in being a little emotional, he will not take it seriously. Men literally become desensitized to our emotional outbursts. I have since figured out that not every little thing that bugs me is worth an emotional meltdown. But there was a point in our relationship a few months ago that caused me to have feelings I could not control. How could he know that we would turn into a relationship, right? I knew about the wedding, but we never really talked about it as it was months away. Well, months passed and we were still together and before we knew it, the wedding was upon us. While Evan was gone, he called me several times each day, texted me during the reception and mentioned over and over that he wished he had brought me. I needed to vent. When he returned, I did just that. Instead of thinking I was crazy, Evan listened intently, validated my feelings, and reiterated many times that he wished I had been there. The Golden Rule This is such a simple concept — treat others as you would like to be treated — that I feel a little silly mentioning it. But truthfully, I think we women are often unaware of the extreme hypocrisy of our behavior. We would never want our mate to boss us around, yet we want to force him to do what we want. Sometimes we use guilt, sometimes we use anger, sometimes we use sex. Yet we often make our men feel like they have to ask for a special, one-time only waiver to slightly change our plans. About a month ago, Evan and I had tickets to a classical music concert. When I heard this, I immediately told him it was ridiculous to miss an entire weekend of fun with his guy friends for a few hours at a concert. Evan was surprised and admitted this was not what he expected me to say. I think men have become so accustomed to giving up their freedom just to be in a relationship that they often lose what makes them men. Mulligans For those not familiar with the golf term, a mulligan happens when a player gets a second chance to tee off if his first shot is errant. In general speech, the term has come to mean any minor blunder which is allowed to pass without consequence. We notice not just what men say, but how they say it, what they were doing when they said it, and what they said afterwards, etc. Since it is in our nature to dissect what men say and do, you can imagine how many times we will be hurt by something they said or did. So give them mulligans. Lots and lots of mulligans. My theory is this: He gets a mulligan…. Is it better to assume he is being malicious and tell him so? Or is it better to give him the benefit of the doubt and, in doing so, keep the peace? My method is this: If I am still thinking about that annoying thing he said the next morning, then perhaps it warrants a discussion. A man who loves a woman wants to know if he did something to offend her. But I am human and my feelings do sometimes get hurt. One time I remember Evan saying that I did not fit the mold of what he thought he wanted. Of course, I already knew that. He always pictured himself with an Ivy-league educated, East Coast Jewish girl. And I pictured myself with…well, not a guy like Evan. So, one night before we went to bed, I let Evan know how I felt. How could he ever feel comfortable speaking freely? How could he ever be himself around me? So he would end up having a different persona with me than he does with any of his other friends. I hope this resonated with you.
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