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FaceTime With Strangers on Holla/Monkey App?! (Girl Roasted Me!)
This post is unconscionably long, but whatever. It takes what it takes, right? Since the surveys are completely anonymous, I was hoping at least a few of them would feel free to open up, via this optional question. The results have been overwhelming. This pool of responses has become the best single source of data which provides deep insight into what our children need us to know and do for them. And make no mistake, there is a significant amount of work which we need to do. Their responses are heartfelt and blunt, intuitive and heartbreaking, perceptive and astoundingly mature. One of the most remarkable aspects of the resulting data is its consistency. Regardless of where they live, which kind of school they attend, or how much money their parents make, there is a single thread which binds them together — virtually ubiquitous device ownership among both children and parents. What the hell does that even mean? But in this case as in all things when discussing successful implementation, the devil is in the details. This is a starting point of sorts. Other parents are just at that very moment facing the fact that their sweet babies 3rd to 6th graders are engaging in outrageously risky digital behaviors and have no idea if they should have the conversations with their child — much less how to start that conversation. My stock reply to most of these questions is: I know all of this because they told me, and they wanted me to tell you. No one wants to hear about my data, and frankly neither do I at this moment. Stressful relatives at horrifying and inescapable family gatherings aside, it seems counterintuitive that your children would specifically ask for limits. And yet this is precisely what is happening. Specifically and in detail. I have aggregated the data from thirteen different schools, covering 4th to 12th grades in order to share the responses that students want you to hear. The Completed Surveys 4 sample of 6, was limited to just the 4, surveys where a student wrote a response to the parent education question: What do you think that they need to know? For the purpose of this post, I only focused on the parent education responses where at least one of the following criteria was reflected in the content of the comment: Simply put, the student responses counted and included here are either students asking for more parental restrictions or students who see their parents as poor digital role models. Then those 1, responses were divided again into four total groups as shown below. Student asking parents for limits or supervision Total responses: Indeed, the excluded sample of the responses includes content related to: You need to say no. I craft, read, and play outside instead. I wish it could be like that for everyone else. We should focus on what we do in life — not how many likes we get on a picture. Students asking for more or consistent parental supervision on devices Parent questions and student responses Note: Students accusing parents of: But Criteria 2 is a whole different kettle of fish. But I will say that I have seen hundreds of times a husband snap his head to stare down his wife or vice versa when I mention adult misuse of devices or social media. It makes me laugh, every time — and I call them out, every time. We expect our children to be good stewards of their online reputation. If we want our children to respect the power of the content they create, then you should respect them enough to ask them for permission before you post about them. Your kids HATE that you do this. If your child sees you choose a screen over verbal and real-life engagement — they will do likewise. If your job requires you to engage in work-related activity every waking moment, perhaps you need to re-evaluate. But take heart, someday that little angel making you utterly bonkers, will have a child of his own and then you will be able to take your revenge. You might accidentally be modeling behavior which encourages your child to externalize their sense of self-worth. Every experience must be cataloged, reported, and posted. Then after the posting comes the checking — how many liked, who were they, what did they say — why did she say THAT. Or in another way: And possibly the worst part is when your children see it. They might not be able to articulate it — but they feel it. And where are we exactly…what have we learned? Precisely what I offered in the two line summary at the beginning, but hopefully with more depth: Easy to comprehend, far more difficult to implement. And I get that. Just hear one last thing — your children want to get off this insane ride. They want you to be the grown-up and make it stop. Even if all signs point to the contrary, they need you and they want you to stop them. Learn more about how to keep your children safe online. Data Source The data used in this post was gathered from a cross-section of accumulated student surveys from to the present. At the end of every student presentation, I ask students to complete a very short anonymous exit survey on paper paper! The data used here comes exclusively from the third and optional question: The data used for this post purposely reflects a variety of grades, school types, school locations, and income levels.
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