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How to Make a Girl Laugh - The Secret to Being Funny Around Girls
He did not know, he could not tell How he affected me that day This year I will be impatient till I can see him again that very way. Hurry, hurry next Christmas time Relieving me from my mental morass Again I will sit on his lap all red And ask him 'could I please have you for Christmas? It seems that all is going haywire there. This is one of the funny Christmas poems that go inside the North Pole to see what is really happening at this season. As it appears, we are not the only ones feeling stressed out by Christmas. Brace yourself, this is a true Christmas drama: Santa is having trouble this year. It is crazy at the North Pole. Santa feels ill, has a pain in his rear. Wondering if he can take the reindeers out for their stroll. Rudolph wants to grow a big, manly beard. All around his bright red nose. Santa is afraid his deer beard will look weird. Like a great big bush with one giant rose. Santa as well is not feeling swell. Saying to Santa 'Stay home you should'. Abandon your route, stay home and dwell. Retire from your Christmas ride for good! Trouble is hard on poor Santa Clause. He is stressed to the point of crying. He feels like a drink but cannot because, Drinking and driving will not go while flying. Will there be Christmas without Santa? No prancing on the roof? No jingle bell joy? No presents, no songs, no cheer and no hoo-ha? We hope Santa will be strong for the girls and boys. But we thought we would throw it in anyway: If Christmas is to children What my job is to me, Does that mean I should go to my boss And sit upon his knee? It is also quite strange if you look at it from an angle where you expect meaning and logic, because really, there is none. Read and see for yourself: Red ribbons in her hair and what she wears, Green lipstick on her big, full lips, Fire in her eyes, oh yes, she dares. Girl in the world, Not at home, full of strife. Is she just playing around? She is the Christmas girl astound. She is warm, she is cold. Gold bells in her ears, Tattoos on her breasts, Free spirit, oblivious to the rest. She is the Christmas girl, so we're told. She is up, she is down. She roams over the town. She has something up her sleeve. Behind their backs Santa's gold is found. Now she is gone, gold in hand, Buying a ticket to sunny beaches' sand Goodbye Christmas girl! That must be why kids love him ;- Surely it is not a way the kids are getting back at their parents, or parent, is it? Surely not, our kids are sweet and innocent, right? Here is what happens to Elmo, at the desperate hands of parents: Toy Elmo got drunk on Christmas Day. His laugh drove everyone nuts. We got the battery out of him so fast In a manner of speaking, we tore out his guts. Slightly Serious Drinking Poem Have you held a family Christmas gathering just wishing yourself far, far away. Well, you recognize this feeling perhaps, despite of your Christmas resentment, you might enjoy this different Christmas Poem: Looking through the window on Christmas morn I see the family Christmas crowd. Molly, Aunt Sarah, Bob and Norm. Unloading their car while singing out loud I come down the stairs all smiles and jolly, Inviting them in and being all nice. What did I do to deserve this folly. Please, could I just reroll the dice. What if I tell them what I really think? That Molly is ugly and Aunt Sarah really stinks. That the food is cold and I just want a drink. However, I can't - I'm frozen like a sphinx! Emotionally in Hell but I will be nice. Laugh and talk with everybody Trying to be sweet as sugar and spice. But my mind is still on my toddy. However, do not let that dampen your ability to relate to this poem. It is bound to apply to someone, even if you don't completely understand it. Who said poetic mystery was a bad thing anyway!: I will be gone on Christmas, You can count on that. There is no place like home on Christmas Especially if you're married to a dingbat. Sexy and Humorous Poem House cats sometime climb up into a Christmas tree. It is really inconvenient when the tree topples over into the living room rug when the house cat climbs your beautifully decorated Christmas tree! It gets to the point of not being able to tolerate it when the tree is a live tree. How many needles could be on one tree, or on one living room floor? Here is a funny Christmas poem about a person wanting to climb into the family Christmas tree, not for the fun of crawling but for the shame of, well, shagging: Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree Hide me in your branches. My face is red; I was caught in bed With a stranger named Frances or Francis. Everyone knows that one of the synonyms for Christmas is food! At Christmas most have a spread similar to Thanksgiving. However, and this is important to the taste buds, there are usually more sweets at Christmas than at the Thanksgiving meal, and beyond, into the night. Not to mention eating leftovers all the next day. I have not heard of Thanksgiving cookies. I have definitely heard the term Christmas cookies. Some, or maybe even most, of us have overindulged in Christmas cookies. You must overindulge, if you are to taste at least one of each kind! Here is a funny Christmas poem about the highlight of Christmas, eating: Eat up, it is Christmas time, food is going amok: Turkey, peas, potatoes, and dressing perhaps even a duck. Eat up, it is Christmas day: Salad, rolls, butter and jams. Eat up, it is Christmas time: Chips, bean dip, carrots, peas. You must do it, it is the season. Grape juice, milk, teas and coffee. You can not refuse; there is no reason: Cake, gum, chocolate, candy. The year is ending, never fear. New Years Eve will soon be here All resolutions will be listed in play. A diet awaits you the very next day. Twas the month before Christmas when all through our land, Not a Christian was praying nor taking a stand. Why the Politically Correct 'Police' had taken away, All of the reasons for Christmas - no one could say. The children were told by their schools not to sing, About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
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