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CHAIR PULLING PRANK
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece? What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. What on earth is she doin' at that time? Waitin' for me to come home. That puts a terrible strain on the knees. He's got a patch over each eye. They were disgusted to find that everybody in France, even the kids, spoke French. One morning they were awoken by a cock crowing. One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately. I told him everybody knew that. He's the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters We're not as stupid as you make out. Scarcely had the echoes of the last Kerryman joke died away when the counter-attack began. Nobody was spared and the Kerryman as usual had the last laugh What do you call an intelligent Mayoman? Lucky What is red and white and floats upside down on the River Liffey? A Dubliner caught telling Kerrymen jokes. Identification What's the difference between a Clareman and a bucket of fertiliser? A Donegalman rushed into a barber's shop with a pig under his arm. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first. So they went to the nearest church. Only the custodian was there. One said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us? He said, "Now go out and play. We're not Katlick, because they pour the water. What happened to you? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. Didn't you have anything in your hand? Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like" Jimmy-Joe scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty. Jimmy-Joe was delighted and got drunk on this one magic Guiness bottle for weeks then he remembered that he had two other wishes. He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared. Two young Irishmen in a Canadian regiment were going into the trenches for the first time, and their captain promised them fifty pence for every German they killed. Pat lay down to rest, and Mick performed the duty of watching. Pat had not lain long when he was awakened by Mick shouting, "They're comin'".
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