Picking up drunk girls. Picking up Girls in Malls in the Philippines.

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Picking up drunk girls

Road Trash Warriors In the beginning I would never have arrived at this strange state of mind if the local high school hadn't closed down the track for a major renovation of the football stadium. But they did close the track and so there was no reasonable alternative but to head for the hills or stop walking my miles each day. I live a few away from town so the logical thing to do is walk on the country road in front of the house, but Sam, God bless 'em, insists on walking down the middle of the road beside me wagging his oblivious tail to the utter consternation of my neighbors who have to hang one pair of wheels in the ditch to get past him or engage in a deadly game of chicken. So, to save Sam I have to drive a mile or so away before beginning my walk. And I have to keep Sam alive because he's a natural born Skunker and they are mighty rare dogs indeed. Anyway all this finds me walking on some beautiful rolling countryside that has very little traffic and no unfenced rotweilers or dobermans. Important considerations, if you plan to walk five days a week. Of course, the big drawback was the incredible accumulation of road trash that cluttered the bar ditches for miles in every direction. Day after day, I'd walk the new stretch of road staring at the trash in the ditches and thinking over and over "What kind of people would do such a thing? No way was I going to do all that stooping and bending to pick up this road trash. So every day was the same: A handy grip gun with suction cups on the end. Even articulates in the middle to reach hard to get to places. Naw, I'm not ready to do this yet The day after New Year's Day, I started noticing that most of the beer bottles said "Bud Ice" on a very attractive ice blue and silver label. Could one guy have done most of this. It got me fired up. Could I take on Bud Ice Man and win? The next day I stepped up to the challenge: I also bought a box of 20 extra-strength plastic trash bags and took the plunge. The battle was joined. The Chip-away Tribe Right away, day one, I decided to save and recycle the aluminum cans for cash. I didn't know what I was going to do with the money but I knew I was going to think of something later that would be cool. So I had one bag for trash, one bag for cans and of course, my trusty gun. The situation was a little awkward trying to remember which bag contained the cans and which the trash and all the time trying to juggle three items between two hands. I soon decided to pick up cans on one pass and trash on another day. I'd head down the road with 3 bags tucked into belt and one in my hand and in about 30 minutes I'd have most of the trash on one side of a mile and a quarter of road bagged. Then I'd finish my walk, get the truck, run back up the road picking up the trash bags and take the bags over to the recycle center's roll-off dumpster in Princeton. Pretty cool that they take everything I find on the side of the road except dead armadillos and coyotes. Well, no way your going to get this job done in one pass or in one day. And really I didn't want to. The main point of this exercise was that I was bored walking, and wanted to add something to the experience: So why not go up and down the bar ditches and pick up trash while you're exercising. Once I got my mind wrapped around that concept it started to be fun… like a treasure hunt or maybe more like walking along the beach looking for shells, except this time you're picking up everything you find. The treasure hunt part starts later when the sides of the road have been scrubbed clean and you're walking along just looking and hoping to find something and trying to guess what it might be. My wife says she's sure I helped build the Great Wall of China in an earlier life. Well maybe so, because I have always been able to tackle projects that have no end in sight. I once spent 13 months of Saturdays building a stone entrance gate to our property. Another time two years building a deck. Well I'm a good builder, but a slow one. Nevertheless, adopting a stretch of road is surely a chip-away kind of project at least in the beginning. You know when you start it that it's going to take a long time to get it done hence the chip-a-way part. But more that that, you slowly realize that it's going to be a lot like painting the Verazano Narrows Bridge: As soon as you finish the job you go back to the beginning and start painting again. My Yankee grandmother pointed that fact out to me as we drove over it when I was nine. I never understood her point until now: It's not about getting the job done — it's about keeping the blasted thing painted. Oh Shame of it all I worked 27 years in management for a major US company. I've co-owned a successful business for nearly 10 years. I'm the father of three graduates from name brand Texas colleges. What in the world am I doing picking up road trash? If I'm not thinking that surely everyone who drives by is. In the early days my ears burned: What's he trying to do… make us look bad? Obviously what we have here is someone who has too much time on their hands! OMG, is this old guy scavenging for cans and bottles to sell? Maybe this guy had a DWI and is working off his community service hours. How can you stop them? Am I re-defining myself in the eyes of the world as a person who spends his free time picking up trash? For the first few days I wouldn't even look at the people who drove by. I'd just keep my head down and keep going. Didn't want to know what they were thinking. Didn't want to read it in their eyes. Finally, I screwed up my courage and looked into the eyes of the passing motorists. Hmmm, what's that I see? Almost everyone was smiling at me and waving. I knew they knew who I was. Heck, I've lived in this neighborhood for 28 years and driven the same green pickup for the last 10 years. That was more like a thank you look than an "oh you fool" look. We'll time would tell. Texans are polite as all get out, but more curious than cats. The second week I collected about five bags of new trash. Oddly some of it looked old. Had I missed this stuff before. Then I realized that some of the trash was just blowing around the open fields and eventually getting caught back in the bar ditch. A phenomenon that would keep occurring for many more weeks. It was about here that the first person stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Do you know who I am? I stared at her a moment… she did look a little familiar. Man sometimes you get lucky. I was about to ask if she was Crystal's grandmother. Bodwell picking up trash. We talked about kids and grand kids for another minute and off she went roaring up the road. So here was another whole suspicious thought process I hadn't even considered. For awhile I wanted to feel righteous indignation at the people who were throwing stuff out their car windows. But soon you get over it. Maybe they will figure it out and start enjoying the pristine landscape as nature had intended it. By now trash pretty much consists of big gulp Styrofoam cups from the Race Trac service station, or drive-thru litter from McDonald's, Sonic, or Church's Fried Chicken. You almost never see any upscale detritus from Pe Wei or Starbucks. I know I would. Gradually there were more changes. My road is a mix of about 25 percent homes and 75 percent pastures and fields. By the third week of making my rounds I noticed that there was very little trash in front of the houses. When I started the effort, their fences and bar ditches were nearly as littered at the field and pasture ditches. Not only that, trash that used to be in some front yards had been picked up. And I know I didn't pick it up. Still there are four trashers I can count on: Pepper for breakfast every morning on the way to work, 2 The Keystone Light beer drinker who makes a deposit or two every day on the way home from work, 3 the guy who drinks Bud Light and folds the can in half before he throws it out the window, and my perennial favorite: Bud Ice Light who leaves at least 48 Bud Ice beer bottles, the large paper cartons they came in, and usually the paper bag they left the store in as well each and every Friday and Saturday night and some week nights as well. Bud Ice Light If I told you that one five mile stretch of road alone contained more than a thousand Bud Ice Light bottles, would you believe me? Picking up drunk girls

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  1. The Magic Trash Window I think very, very few people intentionally throw trash out the windows of their vehicles. I also bought a box of 20 extra-strength plastic trash bags and took the plunge. Almost everyone was smiling at me and waving.

  2. Must have been a teenager sailing them like frisbee's. Larry explained that his doctor had recommended 20 minutes of brisk walking a day.

  3. I just find it awkward to do this with a guy standing two feet away. I may not even be carbon neutral in my efforts.

  4. Head to the busiest upscale mall in whatever city you are in. My Yankee grandmother pointed that fact out to me as we drove over it when I was nine. And one empty pack of Marlboro lights.

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