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But when you are trying to win her back for good, you need to watch out for the first three stages of grief. Denial Anger And Bargaining As we will see in the next section, these three stages of grief are likely to make you do things that will push your ex away and make her think that breaking up with you was the best decision she ever made. Understand What Pushes Her Away To make this easier for you to remember, here is a list of mistakes that pushes your ex away when you are in this stage. I still love her and will always love her. Surely, this should be a good enough reason for her to take me back. But guys get the idea that if they can show their ex GF how helpless they are without her, she will come back. They try to beg and plead to get her back. In some cases, guys go to extreme lengths to show their ex how miserable they are without her. The truth is though, no girl is attracted to a weak guy. If you act like you are miserable without her, she will just get less and less attracted to you until she decides to cut you off from her life. I just need to stay in touch with her. The more you text or call your ex, the less attractive you will look to her. Even if you act all casual when you text her, you will still come off as needy as your ex will see right through it. Texting her again and again is a sign of neediness and desperation and no girl is attracted to a needy guy. Notice how texting and calling her all the time are coming out of neediness and desperation instead of a genuine desire to speak to her and enjoy a conversation with her. I will agree to whatever she wants from me and do anything to make her happy. It may have worked before the breakup in some cases. The same goes for when you tell her you will do anything to get her back. More commonly known as becoming a doormat. Even if you manage to convince her to come back this way, she will leave again soon because she will not have any respect for you. Not because you love her, but because you are afraid to lose her to some other guy. Because you are afraid to be alone. Not unless she is extremely manipulative. In which case, you should still not do it because you will be even more miserable when you are back together. Anger, Denial, Bargaining Example: She told me she loved me just a couple of weeks ago and now she is sleeping around with someone else. Her new boyfriend is not the right person for her. I need to speak to her immediately and convince her to leave the other guy for me. In some cases, she might start dating after a week or a month. But in almost all the cases, her new relationship will be a rebound. And it will end. Read more about the nature of rebound relationships here and how to get her back when she has a boyfriend here. I should have known you were a gold digger. I hope you spend the rest of your life being as miserable as I know you are inside. No one wants to be with a guy who is abusive. So, if you ever have the urge to say anything mean to your ex girlfriend, do yourself a favor and STOP. What if I have already made these mistakes? These mistakes are very common. As I mentioned earlier, these mistakes are a direct result of you going through grief and acting on your instincts. This only means you are human. What is no contact? No contact is a simple rule to not contact your ex at all for a certain number of days. You want to remove your ex from your life and from your mind. How No Contact Affects You? When you cut your ex girlfriend out of your life, you will start seeing things clearly and feel better about yourself. You will realize that you can live without your ex and life is not so bad after all. When you stop contacting her, you will go cold turkey on this addiction. Just like any other addiction, you will slowly recover from it and start seeing things clearly. You need to get rid of this addiction before you can approach her and get her back. As long as you are addicted to her, you will be needy and desperate. And if you are needy or desperate, you will never be able to approach her from a position of strength. Even if you try to fake it, she will smell your neediness from a mile away. She was close to you and she knows a lot about you. Even if you have not made any of the mistakes above, no contact is still very important because you want to give your ex some time to process the breakup and miss you. When you stop contacting your ex, you will instantly become less needy and desperate in her eyes. Should I tell her that I am doing no contact? Hopefully, she will understand and will be impressed and confused and leave you alone. In fact, in most cases, this will make her want you more. Remember how you were pushing her away when you kept contacting her and telling her how you love her and will give the world to be with her? This is what I call the push pull dynamics of a breakup. Besides, you are not doing this forever, you will only do this for a short while as we will discuss in just a moment. What if she finds another boyfriend during no contact? Even if she dates someone else during no contact, it will probably be a rebound and you can still win her back. Read about rebounds and winning her back from a rebound. Ideally, you should do no contact until you have finished stage 1 and stage 2 of this mission to get your ex girlfriend back permanently. That means you should do no contact at least until you have stopped panicking, regained your composure and figured out how to defeat the little devils Stage 2. It can take from two weeks to three months. Read this article on no contact rule to figure out how much no contact is ideal for you. If you are confused, I recommend you set a time limit of at least 30 days. If you and your ex are speaking to each other regularly. Text her the following or something similar. I hope you understand. When you first start no contact, you are going to grieve a lot. You are going to feel all the emotions that people going through grief feel. You will feel denial, anger, depression, confusion and obsession. Breakup Grief is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes you will feel like crap and sometimes you will feel much better about yourself. The key is to let yourself feel the emotions and still keep working on yourself. If you feel like crying, let it out. If you feel anger, shout out loud. But remember to always balance it out and always keep in mind that you need to become a better version of yourself if you want her back. Occasionally, you must pick yourself up and realize that there is much more to life than relationships and breakup. You must remind yourself that life will keep throwing challenges at you. You must learn to pick yourself up and get back in the game. You need to keep moving forward. That means you need to accept that your ex girlfriend broke up with you and your past relationship is over. You can start a new relationship with her and that relationship may be an amazing one. But the past relationship is over, and there is nothing you can do about it. For a lot of guys reading this, the idea of accepting the breakup will be a tough one. You may even trick yourself into thinking that you have accepted the breakup when you are secretly still hoping that things will go back to the way they were. So, consider this as an optional objective for now. That means, you can move on to Stage 2 without completing this objective. But you need to finish this objective before you move on to Stage 3. Spend Time with Your Loved Ones optional One of the reasons our minds panic so hard after a breakup is because of our deep rooted fear of being alone. Of being left out in the world. Of never being loved. But chances are, you have a lot of people in your life that love you, care about you, and want you to be happy. Your friends and family can be a very effective healing tool. When you spend time with them and notice how they care about you and love you, your sub-conscious mind will calm down realizing that you are not alone in this world.
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